Renee Gentzel

Cancer survivorship is a sober, solemn celebration. I’ve passed another round of tests in late October and early November, showing no evidence of disease. Absolutely best case scenario. Feeling stronger and healthier, running 1-2 miles at a time now at a decent pace. I’m glad, but every day goes by with new stories.

A fellow patient in my cancer community ‘fell off’ the NED wagon today – her Signatera was positive. She was diagnosed back in Oct. 2019 like I was. Could be me the next time I have the test in Jan. 2021, or maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones again. A young boy, not even 14, on the patient forums has had recurrence throughout his lungs of colon cancer; his grandmother is devastated.

I have a colleague whose wife is in the midst of chemotherapy; diagnosed in late summer, I’ve reached out to her and provided the best advice I have, but I’m powerless to create the same outcome for her that I have had so far. Every journey is a person’s own to take.

Another person I know found a brain mass. Young, with a family. Currently recovering from the biopsy surgery. I find I hold my breath sometimes just thinking about it, and how the ongoing pandemic compounds the difficulty.

I heard about survivorship guilt. I don’t feel guilt, but I do feel an emotional weight that may be akin to it. I feel sadder and ancient and aware. There’s no rhyme or reason to some people pulling through and others not.

A popular slogan is running through the patient forums these days: Keep f*cking going, “KFG”. Definitely a motto I can embrace.