Renee Gentzel

“Pain, passion, purpose. Take your pain, turn it into your passion, and make it your purpose. ”

– Elijah Cummings, former United States Representative. I read this wonderful dedication to him from his staff while recovering from my surgery in Oct. Not only was I struck by the influence of this man, it also made me reflect on why I have so many purposes.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2019/10/25/elijah-cummings-inspirational-legacy-passion-purpose-vision-column/4082900002/

“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent, when they are not.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh, amazing Buddhist monk. Seriously. His life story is fascinating and reading his books are the equivalent of wrapping your brain in warm, fuzzy blankets. I dare anyone to try and have any anxiety while reading them.

“Time, why you punish me?”

-Hootie and the Blowfish. Great song. Can you tell I grew up in the 90s?

Ah, so my platelets were low, again. Treatment has been delayed until next week. My body is acting like I’ve already been blessed with old age, as having low platelets due to oxaliplatin is more common in elderly women – please don’t gift me with something I haven’t earned yet! However, my doc has given the go-ahead to have a scan next week, and then she and the tumor board will meet to discuss the results. I estimate in a couple weeks I will know what my next cancer adventure will be.

In the meantime, due to my typical enthusiastic participation, I am being drawn into the depths of Colontown – as a co-administrator for one of its neighborhoods and as co-author for its letters and whitepapers on icing. It’s great, but I am finding that my time is not under the same control that it was prior to my diagnosis. I’m at the mercy of what my tumor cells want to do, and I find myself being hesitant to promise any long-term plans. Additionally, it is important to me to balance parenting, work and relationships with family and friends. I want my daughter to have as normal a life as possible during my treatments.

Hence the quotes- I’m navigating my way between my many passions, trying to determine the best priorities with the time I have. I think I’m doing okay, but as Thich Nhat Hanh would likely say, it’s always good to be mindful.